To Whom It May Concern,
Please excuse [your name here] from any and all obligations occurring within the next twenty-four hours. This is an official document granting [your name]’s absence from any unwanted activity so that they may be able to consume as many breakfast foods as they desire. Official. Document.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me via Denny-phone should you have any questions (you have a Denny-phone, don’t you?).