I keep having that reoccurring dream where it snows powdered sugar and I’m out on a hill wearing a down jacket made of fresh, warm, fluffy pancakes and I sled down the hill on a long, human-sized slice of bacon. When I get to the bottom I roll around in the sugar and then proceed to eat my jacket and my sled.
If I loved tailgating but didn’t love football, I’d just camp out in a Denny’s parking lot all Sunday blasting sweet tunes, getting crazy pumped up, maybe get my face painted, all in celebration of TEAM BREAKFAST.
So there’s a lot of fanfiction about The Hobbit characters but we aren’t finding any about the Hobbit menu items. We are shocked. ‘Cause we’re shipping Honey Cake French Toast with Bowman’s Brew Pumpkin Coffee pretty hard right now.
If you still have jack-o-lanterns out you might need help. It’s time to let go. They may have faces but you can’t keep them on your porch forever. Let them decompose with their brethren. And then come eat their cousins in our Woodland pies.